What's next?

I think that is what life is really about...figuring out what's next. Hopefully we're taking things with us from what is past, what has just been experienced, what just "was." And hopefully we are learning as much as we can as we go, but it really does seem like it's always about the NEXT thing, the next day, the next show, the next audition, the next meal, the next time we can sleep. And are we ever content?

I suppose i am becoming a bit contemplative, and yes, trying to figure out "what's next?" because the show I'm doing is closing in two more performances. It has been a bit of a wild ride to say the least, but I loved the director and my fellow actors - not only within the context of the piece, but as people. In any event, now that the closing is a week away, those feelings of loss are already starting to creep in - and maybe worse, those feelings of uncertainty about what lies ahead. I think I've learned some things about myself during this process so that is good, and I hope I can say I have made some lasting friends. I would love to believe the show will have a life after this, but I dare not rest my hopes on such a notion for fear of jinxing that very possibility.

In any case, I'm having trouble sleeping and part of it comes from the fact that I am wondering...what's next?

People from the past are now my present

And people from my present have become my past.

It's been a tough week for me. Not a lot to audition for and those calls I could have gone to, I did not. I found myself retrospective and stayed in the house most of the time. If I could have written more it would have been fine, but I didn't. I am hoping that my reading next Monday will motivate me to keep plugging. I've made this choice (which some call gutsy, others call crazy) and I have to give it a chance and make every effort to make it work.

I also came to realize last night that some of the most important people in my life in the past year are no longer a part of my world. That not only makes me feel lonely, it gives me pause as I ask the simple question, WHY?

Ironically, or maybe "as it should be" people from my past have re-entered my life and for the most part, that is a wonderful thing. These people meant a great deal to me at one time and all were connected to my life as an actor. I only hope we can revive the best of what we had and build stronger connections.

Finding magnificent souls along the way

There are times, when you meet someone, and you immediately feel like you are in the presence of an old friend. And those moments, those experiences with that individual, that spirit, that soul, are so immensely powerful and true - there is a connection that you can not explain, but realize you don't need to...it is understood. The words flow effortlessly, the stories fly from your lips with an ease and a trust that is uncanny. Laughter and kindness, honesty and candor, camaraderie and excitement - this is neither the beginning or the end.

Today was one of those days for me. It was already going to be special as I was meeting with a photographer to take my headshots (something I have not done in over 10 years and certainly a move that signals my want to return to my acting roots). His name is Eric Laurits. Coming to meet me at the car was this charming, electric and sunny young man, carrying his camera and tri-pod and his book bag. Even if you didn't stop to say hello to him...even if it was not you he was meeting...you could sense from a distance his warmth and his good nature. But once we began to speak to one another, to share stories and question one another about our lives, it became strikingly evident that we were "picking up" from another place or time. It was so natural to talk and share with this person, to laugh and commiserate, to reveal truths and understand that we were both being understood. And so today, I feel very lucky to have met another journeyman in this crazy world, making the best of his life, no, much more than the best of it. He is sharing his gifts and his craft with others and working to help others strengthen their own craft. And most impressive to me was his humanity, his ability to articulate thoughts and reveal himself - I am almost 20 years his senior and yet I knew I was in the presence of someone very wise and very mature, yet down-to-earth and humble. God! I relish these moments, these meetings, these people who cross my path. They make me grateful for life and for words and for feelings and for expression.

For those of you who are not actors, the headshot, is one of the most important tools we have - it is our calling card; the first introduction we have to our work and our lives. There are tons of photographers out there, and quite a few headshot photographers, but the really great ones have a sensitivity to the work, to the person they are shooting, to try and bring out the essence of this actor, the characters he/she plays, the type of work they like to do. Actors will often admit that they are tense and nervous no matter how many times they get their shots taken because they feel they have to get THE shot. Today, I was relaxed and comfortable, just sharing with my new friend who happened to be taking pictures of me. It was clear after two and a half hours that we had gotten lots of THE shot but more importantly we had gotten to know one another and connected.

Reflecting upon it makes it seem almost surreal, and yet it also underlines for me the fact that things happen for a purpose; there is a reason for such beginnings - whether immediately clear to us or that which will be revealed at a later time.

So of course, I have to share. I enjoy promoting gifted people when I can. If you are an actor who needs headshots, or (and I forgot to mention this earlier) a couple planning your wedding (wedding photos are a passion of his) follow this link, enjoy his work and get in touch with him His website can be found at http://www.ericlaurits.com/

Thank you Eric...as darkness falls across the land of our lives, as it can from time to time, it is clear that you are a beacon of light and I say, "Shine on my friend, shine on!"