Waiting for it...

I have been waiting ... quietly (unlike me, I know) for something, anything really, to wake me from this dull sense that I am in a trance. You see, after the final curtain fell, I was alone again - an unhappy minstrel without his voice, without his song ... without his muse. That event is inevitable in this crazy business we call "show," and it repeats itself over and over and over again like some cruel joke - somehow each time taking a bit more of my soul it seems. And yet I am constantly drawn back for more: more life, more excitement, more growth, more connection, more love and pain and harmony and discord and ultimately, a kind of death. But under those lights, with the players, I am transformed - no, truthfully, I am alive, not just existing but really alive. How ironic it must seem to you - as I am taking on someone else, another character, one who is not me. And yet, I know, that all of them, whomever I "play," is another part of me. I get to express the fullness of me you see - I get to find more of me. I think only in those moments of that process am I really tasting the truth of life's essence; I am present with eyes and mind open, lungs fully expanded, ready to face it all - soaking it in like a sponge; throwing myself off the cliff of expression and daring to challenge myself for something more. So when it is finished (as it always is) I am distraught. Maybe the only other connection that brings this life can be found in true love. But alas, I have had it and lost it and found it now with another who does not share it. And so I wait ... for an answer - for a call - for the news - for the map - for the voice - for the words - for, "You are the one that I have been waiting for!"

Another closing...maybe the last

I don't really know where to begin. I suppose with gratitude to the handful of people that made this show a success - that really cared about presenting something better than just good. And it was better than good. Everyone who saw it commented on the professional look of the show and how impressed they were with the production. Granted, we didn't have the houses I would have liked, but those that saw it, loved it. And what more can you ask for in the end. Thank you to Michael Menger, an incredible director; Daniel Schaedle, an amazing TD and Stage Manager; my co-star, Jim Richard who I love from the bottom of my insane heart; Andrew Drew and David Tonkin for being the main support for this show; and of course to the audience and the donors who made this show possible.

Now, "to the pain," as Cary Elwes declares in PRINCESS BRIDE. There are literally hundreds of people from this area that have been colleagues of mine, and many who have been friends (certainly when they come to my house and eat my food and drink my booze) that did not come to see this show. Not only that, but they did not even have the decency to say, "Hey, can't make it," or "Listen, wish I could be there...break a leg."

I had a friend in college who used to literally "white people out" of his book when they acted like assholes or when they didn't get back to him after three tries. I don't have a book like that, but I did make a point to eliminate 70 emails from my personal database tonight. These people do not deserve my attention or my care or concern or love. They are not my friends and I do not care if I ever hear from them again. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Sometimes, it is important to realize that we do not need "numbers" of people to care about us. The handful of people that we can really count on - the one person who loves us for who we are. That is what matters...that is what counts.

If you have a best friend who is always there for you, call them, email them, tell them how much they mean to you. If someone is in love with you, be grateful for that love and try to give it back. It is so rare.

The show is over, the strike will take place tomorrow and then it will all be a memory. ASTC is all but finished. But I am ok with it. A new chapter will begin. I must believe that. You must believe it too!

"Here's to us...who's like us? Damn few!" From MERRILY WE ROLL ALONG by Stephen Sondheim. I know I have promised you Ode to the Planets...it will come soon.