What's next?

I think that is what life is really about...figuring out what's next. Hopefully we're taking things with us from what is past, what has just been experienced, what just "was." And hopefully we are learning as much as we can as we go, but it really does seem like it's always about the NEXT thing, the next day, the next show, the next audition, the next meal, the next time we can sleep. And are we ever content?

I suppose i am becoming a bit contemplative, and yes, trying to figure out "what's next?" because the show I'm doing is closing in two more performances. It has been a bit of a wild ride to say the least, but I loved the director and my fellow actors - not only within the context of the piece, but as people. In any event, now that the closing is a week away, those feelings of loss are already starting to creep in - and maybe worse, those feelings of uncertainty about what lies ahead. I think I've learned some things about myself during this process so that is good, and I hope I can say I have made some lasting friends. I would love to believe the show will have a life after this, but I dare not rest my hopes on such a notion for fear of jinxing that very possibility.

In any case, I'm having trouble sleeping and part of it comes from the fact that I am wondering...what's next?

Starting over again

How does one begin again? I mean, how do you really go back to square one with your life? Can you really? I don't think so. But you can get a fresh look, a new start, a different perspective...choose a new path. Sometimes it is with one part of your life, one aspect that needs changing or feels like it's time to start over.

In any event, my life has come to such a crossroads. After almost 15 years living with David I am moving out. I've been saying it for two years so it almost doesn't seem real. I left the "real" job last October to give my career another chance and now, it's just time for me to move on. I've been making the excuse that it's money that keeps me here, and the house, and how much I put into it. And that is probably why I did stay. That and the fact that sometimes the misery you know is better than the misery you don't know - or at least you convince yourself that that is the truth.

September 1 is my deadline. Shows I'm working on close in August...I'm taking a week to go to P-Town by myself and then I have to come back and get myself packed to go somewhere. Where? That's the big question. My credit rating has got to be in the toilet, I don't own anything other than my 10-year-old Toyota, my unemployment will run out soon and unless I get a really good paying gig, I may have to go back to an office (which I promised myself I wouldn't do - at least not this soon).

So where does that leave me? I have no idea...

Starting over again can be scary. But sometimes it is necessary and I believe it can open up a world of possibilities. I have to believe that...I have to.

Here's to new life, to new adventures, to new starts.

What The F*** Is Your Problem Post 2

Friday, June 13, 2008

What the f*** is your problem (cell phones)
Current mood: annoyed
Category: Life

So what the f*** is your problem? WHY do you insist on talking on your cell phone on public transporation as if you were at a rock concert? The bus is not your private limo...no. That is why it is called PUBLIC transportation. Lots of other people are on there who could give a shit about your upcoming operation to suck fat out of your ass and inject it in your lips. Nor do we care to hear about the puss filled wart that your grandma had to have drained, or the cat next door that got hit by the mailman and you had to move the dead carcass with flies to the garbage. Moreover, why do you feel it necessary to shout all of your destinations for the day and what time you will be at each place. Don't you think that's a bit dangerous? Maybe there is a psycho killer on the bus who now knows you are going to be at the 79th street subway station at 10PM BECAUSE YOU JUST SCREAMED IT TO HIM! Please have consideration for your fellow passengers and talk a bit softer. Damn! When I speak on my cell on a bus, I cover the handset and basically whisper. It makes sense. I want to keep my conversation private and I don't want to bother you. Give me the same respect in return. What did you people do before cell phones? I remember when they hadn't even invented answering machines. The phone just rang and rang and you called back or wrote the person a letter. If you were worried...ROAD TRIP, or if the line was busy for too long, you asked the operator to cut in. I'd certainly like to cut in on some of your load-mouth calls and say...shut the f*** up! Now I understand they are working on technology to allow everyone to use their cell phones when flying. Can you imagine? It would be like a flying high school cafeteria! Lord help us!

What The F*** Is Your Problem Post (from my other blog)

Monday, April 07, 2008

What the f*** is your problem? (walking/driving)
Current mood: annoyed

So...I've decided to start a new series of posts, and yes, I am calling it: What the f*** is your problem? I had a really rough week and sent an email to some of my closest friends saying I was writing a new book with that line as my subtitle. But I've decided that instead of writing a book, I am going to just use the title for a series of blogs - and then, maybe the book will write itself (so to speak).

So here goes...my first entry for...
WHAT THE F*** IS YOUR PROBLEM?
Why is it that I always find you walking in front of me at a turtle's pace on a gray, cold day, in the middle of the sidewalk in New York City? Have you no urgency in your step? It's not a balmy summer's day, it's chilly and miserable out. Don't you have somewhere to be or someplace to go? Now granted, my mother was always telling me to "stop and smell the roses," but come on people, in the middle of the day in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. I'm all for daudling when I'm in a park, or at the museum, or in the country, or in Paris, but give me a break. If you want to meander in the busy sidewalks of Manhattan, with no intention of going anywhere, at least pull yourself to the side or enter a building or something. And this is not intended for tourists or homeless people or disabled people...you I can forgive. It is the NYC regulars who are just doing this to PISS ME OFF. And I attract you don't I? I'm in a hurry to get to a meeting, or a rehearsal or a performance or a dinner party (but to be truthful, when I am walking, I like to move the journey along even when I'm not in a hurry) and you find yourself to my path and go as slowly as you can, normally in a situation where I can't even go around you. And more often then not, you stop at some point and I almost smash into you. So please, do me a favor, walk with a little pace in your step. I know you have places to go, home to the family; off to a meeting; catching the subway to a game or parade or street fair; to a class; to a trist, to a figtht; to a rally...whatever. Just go there. Oh, and while I'm on the "people who literally cross my path subject"...if you're coming towards me, please, oh please, let's try and pass eachother on the left. We're not in Europe. Notice the roads, notice the escalators...we pass eachother on the left, whenever possible. And if you choose to force me to pass on the right and then swear at me or huff at me as if I am in your way...I may just turn around and smack you. All of this however...leads immediately to my second, WHAT THE F*** IS YOUR PROBLEM?
You are the same people who drive 150 miles per hour aren't you? No, I mean it. You walk like turtles to your cars and then you have to make up for lost time so you talegate me, whip around me at speeds that should be reserved for the Daytona 500 or when you're playing video games, and then you throw yourself in front of me without even touching your directional signal. And almost ALWAYS, I pull up next you, or behind you at the next light, or when the traffic clogs. You didn't get there any quicker than I did, but you endagered my life, your life and countless others. Why must you try and prove you are Mario Andretti when you drive? Speed limits have a purpose. Don't get me wrong...if we're in a 55 and I'm going 57 and you come up behind me, keep your distance, change lanes with your signal and go around me at 60, I can live with that. But when you race up behind me at 85, flash your lights and then play "poll position" on the highway...I secretly hope that you will be the car I pass, pulled over by the cops or off in the ditch. I don't want you to get hurt, just scared a little. Now most of us have sped from time to time. God knows I have. But even when I speed, I try to be careful and courteous of those on the road and I really try NOT to speed. Maybe if you walked a little faster, you could drive the speed limit and it would be a win-win situation!

OPA! opening this Saturday

If you are in the New York City area in the next couple weeks please try to come and see OPA! We're going into tech week tomorrow and opening on Saturday evening the 19th. There is hope the show will have a future after this production (it is being produced in the commercial division of the Midtown International Theatre Festival).

OPA!, is a new musical about life and love on a forgotten Grecian isle. The tiny Greek island of Elia has been left off the national map since…forever. When a cruise ship is spotted from a distance heading straight for the island, the villagers band together in a desperate attempt to gain recognition from the outside world, and from each other. The mayhem that ensues ends up helping the villagers ‘see' their hidden selves along the way - the main message being to never hide your true self and to always to live a life of "OPA!" Let the singing and dancing begin. Performances are at The Barrow Group Theatre in Manhattan. For more information and a full schedule visit OPATHEMUSICAL!

I play the role of Manos and have a great little song in Act 2. So that means you CAN'T LEAVE AT INTERMISSION!

See you at the theatre!

A loss for the nation

Many others, greater than I, known by many (or at least "heard" by many) have said the same..."Tim Russert's loss is a loss for the nation." Certainly his loss is palpable in the world of journalism, especially for his colleagues at NBC but I believe it really is a loss for the nation.

He was a standard bearer for journalistic integrity and someone who was always searching for the truth, regardless of policy or party or practice. It seemed to me that he was always sincere and always genuinely excited to find out more about so many things, especially politics.

While I did not know him personally, I felt like I did.

Maybe it was the fact that we were both from the Buffalo area. Maybe it was his unyielding love for the Bills. Probably, it was because whenever I heard him or saw him on Meet the Press, or on a debate, or as a commentator, I would stop to listen to what he had to say and so often smile. He was someone that I had always wanted to talk to as I knew it would not only be fascinating but educational. If not a journalist, I think he would have made a remarkable teacher.

Journalism was better because of Tim Russert and his loss will resound throughout the community, especially at NBC.

My heart goes out to his wife and son, but I am certain that they are grateful for his love and his goodness and his presence.

I mourn with so many others his loss and hope that his legacy will cause others to strive to be like him and inspire others to follow in his footsteps.

Blessings on your spirit Tim...you will be missed.

YES SHE CAN!

It has been a while since I have posted here as my life has been all over the place. I have had so many thoughts about so many things during these past couple months, but I am inspired today by the great Hillary Clinton to write here.

I have, and continue to be a strong supporter of Hillary Clinton even tho a few of my closest friends and colleagues have not supported her, even to the point of disparaging her. I defended her of course, but today, she transcended all of the pros and cons and proved that she is a most remarkable human being who believes that there are things larger than herself and her own goals.

I am someone who has always been very competitive and in many situations of "competition" I have faced defeat many times. I can say that when you suffer a loss in a race, in competition, in something that is so important to you, it is devastating. The fact that she was able to pick up from something so important to her and throw her support behind her revival so quickly, shows her amazing strength. I applaud her and because of her, I will now strongly support Barrack Obama to be the next President of the United States. Not something I was prepared to do a week ago.

I still have my doubts about Obama and am concerned that he is not seasoned enough to take on Washington. But I do believe that his values are close to my values and the issues that are important to the party are most important to me.

I urge anyone who cares about the principles that shape the Democratic Party to throw their support behind Barrack Obama.

Finally, the fact that a Presidential Candidate would mention the gay community in a positive light TWICE, in such an important speech, is overwhelming to me. I am so proud to have supported Hillary Clinton during her campaign, not just with my words and my money, but with my heart.

Blessings to you Hillary - you embody the American spirit and are a beacon of light for the future.

MySpace

So I've been spending WAY too much time on MySpace lately, but I think my page is finally starting to shape up. I'm also going to be starting a blog over there which i am calling: What the F*** is your problem? It started as a joke last week but I think I have some great material and who knows? Maybe it will turn into my next play or next book! Isn't Spring here yet? Oh...visit my MySpace page - Patrick's MySpace Page.

Some exciting projects!

I am very excited to be a part of the Buffalo Small Press Book Fair on March 22, 2008. I will be promoting my two books: Flowers in Autumn: endings and beginnings and Old Mr. Scrooge (my 10-minute adaptation of the Dickens classic, A Christmas Carol).
If you are in the Buffalo area on March 22nd, please stop by the Museum anytime between Noon and 6PM!
For more information, just use the graphic to be taken to the website.

I am also very happy to be giving seminars as part of The New Jersey State Drama Festival in April.

And on May 5th, I will be re-creating the role I recorded on the demo CD for a reading of THE REALLY BIG PIRATE SHOW in New York City! The show will then have a backers audition as it prepares for a Broadway run!

March madness is here

And so it goes...I find myself rooting for several
"underdogs" this season in several different arenas.

First, I root for Hillary Clinton, who, thank God, has a resurgence after her victories in Ohio and Texas (and Rhode Island). I won't get on my soap box again about this (at least not today), just review the posts below as a refresher.
GO HILLARY!!!

Second, I root for my Alma mater - The Niagara Purple Eagles to win the MAAC and make it to the NCAA tournament. Not impossible, but maybe a long shot this year.

http://www.purpleeagles.com/sports/mbball/

Lastly, I am rooting for me. That's right. Me, myself and I. I just feel like I am in a rut lately and not following the creative path I set out on several months ago. I've found myself in a fatalistic mode for the past eight weeks and turning to behaviors that not only keep me from doing what I should be doing but are potentially destructive.

It's time to turn another page...I just hope I am on the winning team.