As the sun sets on Hawaii

As i come to the end of my time in Hawaii, I can't help but reflect on the trip and also the way it represents my life. Yesterday was my birthday and today is the 30th anniversary of my brother's death! He is ALWAYS with me and indeed a psychic once told me he stays off my right shoulder to guard me - I believe it! And my dear Mom, gone over 12 years now is also always in my thoughts. So while I travelled here alone, the spirit of others, alive and past are with me as I celebrate, rejuvenate, meditate, observe and enjoy. I realize that the reason I keep coming back to Hawaii (this is my 4th time) is that it represents the best of nature for me and of course it represents the spirit that is Aloha.

I am glad that I was able to come by myself and reflect - sometimes we need to just be alone with ourselves to understand the journey and be grateful for all that our life has been - mine has been extraordinary, really. And I am thankful for all of it. But it also allows me to understand that while aloneness is essential and healing that ultimately spending time with another; sharing; laughing together; being with another or others, is how we experience joy exponentially.

I will come back to Hawaii soon, but next time, it will be with someone - a friend, my niece, David...the joy will be exponential!

So now to share my b-day dinner and photos of the sunset:

DINNER
2 glasses of Sancerre
A bottle of "still" water
2 fresh raw oysters from Washington State
Caesar Salad with white anchovies
A petit filet mignon
3 giant grilled prawns
Chocolate Lava Cake with vanilla ice cream
10 year old Port
Cappuccino

Doesn't get much better! Enjoy the sunset and seek the joy!!!

Another Trip to Provincetown

I love P-Town. It's a place that always makes me feel like I'm welcome and I don't have to be anyone but me. It's ok that I'm an actor...it's ok that I'm Italian...it's ok that I'm 40 something and not an Adonis...and it's ok that I'm gay. This is the first time I've been since I moved out so it was "different." And I can not deny, that so much of my history with this place includes David - it will always be our town - our place! So much of P-Town is familiar to me - it feels like home. And I went to an opening of a new Lounge - SHIPWRECK LOUNGE - and saw familiar faces, even tho I don't really know them, and they don't know me. But they are "Townies" as the locals call themselves and I recognized them as artists and business owners from the town. And even tho the season hasn't really gotten underway, I love the sunshine when I'm there...and yes, I even love the rain. I was able to finish the book Eat, Pray, Love and now of course, I am convinced that the whole book is a sign for my life. Granted, while it was familiar and inspiring (like the streets and restaurants of P-Town) I am STILL not sure what the hell I am doing with my life! AHHHHHHH!

So on that note, I leave with you five photos I took with my new camera!

Enjoy!

It's been awhile...

Clearly it has been a long time since I have posted anything. It's been a crazy time these past few months (since before the New Year really). Just thought I would post a quick update with the most major news:

1). I moved out of the house and am now living in a small apartment on my own (although currently, I have a friend staying with me until June to help pay the rent!)

2). I am still unemployed and looking for work in a variety of arenas although certainly I would love to be in a show!

3). I spend WAY too much time on Facebook!

4). I have been selling giclee prints of my Mom's paintings which I will share on here soon. You can also see them at MAMA GEN'S PAINTINGS

5). I am taking several short getaway trips this Spring and early Summer to try and put it all in perspective.

6). I am working on a concept for a musical review tentatively titled: VAUDEVILLE AIN'T DEAD: SOME PEOPLE LIKE IT BIG!

7). I'm still here!

In Hunter Mountain from Flowers in Autumn (link to view or purchase the book)

In Hunter Mountain

Silently, in the black of midnight,
We sit perplexed – motionless atop Hunter Mountain.
Hundreds of stars beckon us to stare skyward
And at last, amidst my silent prayer,
One dying ember shoots south arching swiftly to peace.

Inside, snapping sparks fly within the hearth –
Hours of stoking and kindling care.
Coals glowing orange heat more than the heart.
Rich cocoa mellows – perhaps too ideal as we snuggle and find ourselves warmly frozen and mesmerized.

A moan and several stretches later, Comet settles close.
Moments ago racing through crisp leaves and frosted earth
Declaring his bliss amidst endless terrain,
He stakes claim to his new found territory.

Finally, all eyelids fall heavy as logs burning shadows bounce aimlessly about the chalet.
We succumb at last and nod off with a smile and a snore.

Crazy World

"...full of crazy contradictions like a child..." That's from the song Crazy World (VICTOR/VICTORIA).

So...as any of you who know me, I'm always on a constant roller-coaster and quite frankly seem to function better riding the highs and lows. But lately, the train seems to have stopped in a dip. I feel that for the past couple months I have been in a bit of a "minimal functioning funk." I find myself constantly drawn to waste time on things that are not good for me, I haven't been writing, or auditioning much and I keep wondering when ALL the irons I have in the fire (or as I now like to say...the cold furnace) spark something? I mean it's getting down to the wire in terms of my finances and living situation and of course that stresses me out even more so that I find myself not doing what I need to do.

Today, finally, was a first step back up the track of that big hill...I went to three auditions and have some appointments and a call-back later this week. But I always have this panging feeling of uncertainty and fear. At my age shouldn't I be over all that by now?

I feel I continue to give better and better auditions (when I actually go) because I feel confident in what I am bringing into the room, prepared and rarely nervous or desparate. But today for example, all of that went out the door and I felt like some nervous teenager again. And I think part of that comes from the fact that I AM getting a bit more desparate (I really need this job).

Well, I knew what I was getting back into when I came back to the biz full-time last year...so I guess whining is pointless.

Enough of the contradictions, I would like some consistancy please. Thank you.

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE

I'm not talking about aliens (well...then again...) but in all seriousness I have begun to worry more about this country than ever before. People just don't do their homework and then when they are given "proven and undeniable truths" they still call it propaganda if it's not to their liking. Well when I talk about John McCain and people say to me, "Stop using scare tactics to intimidate me into voting for the Democrats," I am really VERY confused. I have no power in Washington, my only voice is my vote and maybe some emails and calls to my senators and congress persons. I'm not trying to scare anyone. And I am NOT making things up as I go along to win a point. My argument is clear and sound and has not changed. I just quote McCain and the Republican platform. Go ahead, do your research. The things I say are true. If those things scare you, then shouldn't that tell you something? And come on now, you REALLY don't think John McCain will lower your taxes and Barack will raise them do you? You do listen to the actual facts right? McCain wants to keep that measly tax return that Bush gave the "middle class" while helping the rich get more tax breaks. So it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that while we'll continue to get that crappy rebate, taxes for the poor and middle class will most likely stay the same or go up. However Obama, will give REAL relief to the poor and middle class by yes, RAISING taxes, but not on Joe American but on Donald Trump and the oil tycoons. And guess what? They SHOULD pay more in taxes. The corporate giants like Mobile and Exxon should take on more tax while "Ma and Pa American" get some real tax breaks and not just and extra $125.

And Obama can get attacked for using a phrase that John McCain has used in public at LEAST 4 times but it's ok for McCain to lie like a rug about Obama, his record and his plans.

So watch SOME TRUTH and if you think it's propaganda, do the research yourself.

Please don't let the POD PEOPLE take over

I am convinced, having watched the third night of the RNC, that most Republicans are Pod People. Now that is one of those unfair, blanket statements and some of you may not be pods, but come on, "Drill baby, drill?" It felt like I was watching a documentary on Jim Jones, year 2008. And I feel a bit more confident on my observations because I grew up in staunch Republican Land. It used to be that Republicans stood for fiscal responsibility and keeping government out of our business. But over the years it has morphed into a party that is in bed with big oil, big business, wants less government UNLESS it means going to war or fighting the liberals or routing out those horrible fags who destroy our moral fiber (please see the sarcasm in that last comment). They have become the party of exclusion and fiscal IRRESPONSIBILITY.

Now let me be fair...I wasn't voting for McCain anyway. But this pick of Sarah Palin? I am so offended by this woman on so many levels. Using her Downs child as an advocacy ploy? My brother had Downs. My mother was a SINGLE mom who had a Downs child in the 60's when it was considerered an abarassment; a failure. It's one thing to talk about the challenges of being a parent with a disabled child - it is quite another to appeal to families of disabled children to vote for her as if they should feel some sort of connection to her JUST because of that. What? Furthermore, she was FOR the bridge to nowhere and is now against it. She is for drilling, drilling, drilling and guns, guns, guns. And make sure we shoot all the wolves from the air, cause, "It's funner!"

The Republicans have said that Sarah Palin has motivated the base and that all these voters (woman who were so for Hillary, Independants and conservative Democrats will suddenly jump on board). But here is something no one is talking about - the gains from those folks will be balanced out by the white male cheuvanist Republicans who will NEVER vote for a woman because her only place is "barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen." (That is their thought, not mine). Now those good ole boys would never vote for a black man either, so Obama isn't going to gain them, but the Republicans WILL lose them. And Palin isn't just motivating the conservative base, she is motivating the liberal base. How do I know? Because I just sent a contribution to Obama when I wasn't planning on doing it. I was gonna vote for him, try to get out the word on his candidacy, but money...no. But because of Sarah Palin and the RNC last night, I sent money.

Finally...you can't have it both ways. You want the media to report on your son going to Iraq and the fact that you have a Downs child but you don't want them to report on your daughter having a child out of wedlock (by the way if Chelsea Clinton were in that situation, the Republicans would have stoned her) or the fact that you tried to get a Trooper fired for personal reasons using your power as Governor? The press often annoys the crap out of me - they constantly talked about Obama's inexperience and Clinton's vote for the war and focused more on Bill Clinton at times than Hillary. But you know what? The truth is out there and it is indeed their job to find it and report it, particularly if you are in position to be the leader of the free world.

So as I have said many times...if you are on the fence, or you are voting based on personality or who you think you might like to have a drink with...do some research PLEASE. Find out what the party's actually stand for. If you love guns and war and think poor people are only poor because they are lazy and wish all gay people would move to Paris, then by all means, the Republican Party is for you. But if you believe in civil rights, a woman's right to choose, helping those that are less fortunate, saving the environment for our children and bringing about PEACE in the world, then you can not vote for the Republicans. Note...i did not tell you that you have to vote for the Democrats.

Please don't let the Pod People take over. Want to contribute to the Democrats? Follow these links:
DONATE TO OBAMA
DONATE TO THE DNC

It is time for unity, it is time for change...

IT IS TIME TO ELECT BARACK OBAMA THE NEXT PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!

Yes, just a few short weeks ago, I wasn't sure I would say that. I was a staunch Hillary Clinton supporter and I will always believe that she would have been a remarkable leader for our nation as we find ourselves locked in fiscal irresponsibility and mired in a foolish and criminal war.

But as the Democratic Convention began and Senator Obama made his choice for VP (a man I have wanted for President for quite some time now), I started to weigh the importance of this election and the fundamental differences between the platforms. Somewhere, deep down, I always knew I would vote for whomever the Democrats nominated. How could I not? I have been a lifelong Democrat, bolstered by my mother's beliefs that we have a responsibility to help those less fortunate than ourselves and fight for civil rights and equality for all. The Republicans have always left too many people out of the circle and I have always relished in the knowledge that my mother was a lifelong Republican, who ALWAYS voted Democrat. Up where I came from, if you registered Democrat your house was stoned and egged. But in that voting booth, she voted her conscience.

And now I will vote mine: not because Hillary Clinton told me to do it. Not because Ted Kennedy and former President Clinton told me to do it. And not because Joe Biden will be the next Vice-President of the United States (although all of those things certainly didn't hurt).

I will vote for Barack Obama because I believe he can make a difference and I believe in my heart that he has set a place at the table for someone like me. And no, I'm not voting for him because I feel like "I could have a beer with him." I think that each of us should vote, based on our beliefs, our struggles our principals - the things we stand for, and yes, because of the essence of who we are. Part of who I am, is a proud gay man. I have heard politicians, even Presidential candidates mention gays and lesbians in the past few years (often pleasantly surprised) but never have I heard the amazing words spoken that Barack mentioned last night with such conviction and simple truth..."I know there are differences on same-sex marriage, but surely we can agree that our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters deserve to visit the person they love in the hospital and to live lives free of discrimination." Also part of who I am, is my mother's son. She was always helping someone that was less fortunate that her - taking people to the doctor; doing taxes for free for seniors; giving gifts to the nursing home or coloring books to children; making sure that I had a better chance for my dreams than she did. And Barack Obama believes in those things too.

I hope if you are still on the fence (for those of you already certain you are voting for John McCain, God help you) that you will read Barack's entire acceptance speech and listen closely to the debates. I hope that he will convince you, as he has convinced me, that he is ready to lead our nation in a better direction - to a brighter tomorrow.

Barack Obama's Convention Speech

Eat, Pray, Love

That's the title of the Bestselling novel by Elizabeth Gilbert. Is she living my life? She is younger than I am so I wonder if she was assigned the same life-path that I was? God help her! As I read the pages of her amazingly personal and detailed journey, I can't help but think that if we met, we might just start laughing, then crying and then sharing an amazing meal together with a great bottle of wine and even greater conversation. I'm feeling rather depressed and lonely these past few days and her words are helping to keep me afloat - well, that and all of my amazing friends - you know who you are because you've texted me, emailed me or called me in the last few days. I really wanted to go to brunch today in the city, but no one is available and I refuse to go alone. Maybe if I go and bring the book with me and keep reading, somehow I won't be alone. In any case, it's a great book and I recommend it highly.

EAT, PRAY, LOVE

Provincetown

I am just so grateful for all of the places I have visited in my life so far...Italy, Paris, London, Hawaii, Venezuela, to name a few. But of all the places, one I love so much is Provincetown, MA. And when you have gone someplace so many times that it begins to feel like a second home, you don't have to feel pressured to see things or do things or buy things, you really can just relax. Amidst the chaos in my life right now with trying to move out of the house, figuring out where to live, wondering what is next for my career, and all the rest, I was just so happy to be able to take a week and totally relax. Lounging at the pool, laying at the beach, enjoying a lobster, walking along the streets and chatting with new people and some friends I have made over the years. So as I take my next step on this path of life, I just want to say, THANK YOU P-TOWN...you are a refuge for me and a place I will always come back to.