Closing Weekend

With every opening night comes, eventually, a closing (even CATS eventually closed on Broadway!). In any case, our production of A WONDERFUL LIFE comes to a close on Sunday. It was a wonderful experience for me in so many ways and I have made some amazing friends. Thought I would share a couple of photos of me in the show and also a link to the review. Gotta love those high pants!!!!

Enjoy...and if I don't get a chance to post again...HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

http://www.thesandpaper.net/SandPaper%20Pages/sandpaper_page12.htm

Show Update!

Well...we've hit our tech day and we open this Friday! The show is in really good shape considering the short rehearsal time with a holiday in the middle. And it certainly has a big feel about it. My number in Act 1, "Wings" is looking good and my focus now is to just be consistent and find as much of the "truth" for Clarence in each of his little scenes as possible. We've heard the show is selling quite well and that the matinees are almost sold out. I can't believe December is almost here.

Here is the link to the theatre's website:
http://www.surflight.org

I'm in Beach Haven...

and rehearsals have begun! It's a rather large cast and a BIG show but my role is not so HUGE that I have to feel overwhelmed with only 9 days of rehearsal. Really great actors playing George and Mary (Mary is being played by a great gal that I did ANYTHING GOES with a couple years ago) and the rest of the cast seems strong as well. I have a song/dance number in Act 1 called "Wings," which I think is going to be very cute. Well...not much more to report. Weather is kinda gray here, with a few showers, but at least it isn't pouring rain right now.

Group living is always interesting, but since I am in the house with most of the AEA (union) folks, and we make up most of the older members of the cast, it is fine.

I was thinking today, that in most other professions, you never live communally - sharing a kitchen and bathroom with 6 other people. Most of the people who I know outside of the acting world, wouldn't live this way again in a million years. Most of them did something like it in College (although I would wager a bet that most dorm rooms are in better shape) and wouldn't want to revisit that.

For me, there is something nice about it. Certainly strange after not having done it in a long while - but almost like a "reconnection" to simple roots.

After all, most of us, in the "rank and file" of performing, do what we do because we love it - not for the money, or the housing or the food. Let's hope not, because most of the time, none of those things are in abundance.

Will try to post a rehearsal log when I have more to report.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING ALL!

Lots going on...

Still really excited about the show. But also very excited that my 10-minute adaptation of Dickens A Christmas Carol, entitled Old Mr. Scrooge has been published!

It is available in print and downloadable copies and you can purchase it (and see a free preview) by following THIS LINK.

The black and white illustrations in the book are by John Leech and are from the original 1843 novel published by Chapman and Hall in London. This illustration serves as the cover art for the book.

I GOT A SHOW!!!

I am so excited to have just been cast as Clarence in IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE! The show opens November 30th for a limited run through December 16th at The Surflight Theater in Beach Haven, NJ (just north of Atlantic City). The Artistic Director of Surflight is the very talented Steve Steiner who I have had the privilege to work with on ANYTHING GOES and BOYS FROM SYRACUSE. Blessings on your head Steve for thinking of me for this role. Can't wait! A click on the image below will take you to the website for Surflight! Come and see the show if you can!

Oh Pumpkin

from Flowers in Autumn: endings and beginnings

My pumpkin. Not nearly as big as I envisioned,
nor round as the others, yet it gleams,
begging to be made real - to intimidate and startle,
only personified by crafted carving.

But alas, I am not he artist of the jack-o-lantern
and this gourd would bide better under careful creativity.
Still ... pumpkin pleads and I hesitantly ascertain,
"Any face triumphs no face."

Stroked with sharp edge along the grain,
scraping and sawing each triangular orifice
and then the next, there is more waste than want.
Frustrated - afraid of destruction and not creation
I detain the final cuts.

Stalling to stall but forced by the hour I commit.
My trick or treat and pumpkin's fate are final.
Glancing down, my anticipation startled,
I am suspended by a heartfelt smile.
"Oh Jack, you are definitely more than just a lantern!"

People from the past are now my present

And people from my present have become my past.

It's been a tough week for me. Not a lot to audition for and those calls I could have gone to, I did not. I found myself retrospective and stayed in the house most of the time. If I could have written more it would have been fine, but I didn't. I am hoping that my reading next Monday will motivate me to keep plugging. I've made this choice (which some call gutsy, others call crazy) and I have to give it a chance and make every effort to make it work.

I also came to realize last night that some of the most important people in my life in the past year are no longer a part of my world. That not only makes me feel lonely, it gives me pause as I ask the simple question, WHY?

Ironically, or maybe "as it should be" people from my past have re-entered my life and for the most part, that is a wonderful thing. These people meant a great deal to me at one time and all were connected to my life as an actor. I only hope we can revive the best of what we had and build stronger connections.

I wish I had a time machine...

That's actually a lyric from the song, Sad To Belong, by England Dan and John Ford Coley (loved them in the 70's). In any case, the rest of the song is not all that apropos, but that one phrase is just where I am lately. I've said before that I think I am from another planet, but really, I just think I am from another time. A time when people got together more often at your house over a meal. A time without text messaging and cell phones. A time when friendship meant something more than an email once a month, or required phone call. And I always got along with people who were so much older than I was, including my family. Now they are all gone and there are so few "senior" folks in my life - so many of those that I meet, whether my age or younger, just don't click with me. I find myself wishing that I could go back to my childhood, which, as the years go by, seems to have been the best years of my life. I had such a great Mom and Aunt. Love was constant and unconditional. "Things" were not so important but "experiences" were. So I travelled and tried all kinds of cuisine and was allowed to talk and learn about everything. When I was in High School, I hardly slept. When I wasn't in class I was either at marching band or tennis practice, a class meeting, a student council meeting, a chorus rehearsal or rehearsing for a play or musical. And when there was a break from any of that, we were either driving in my Mom's little VW bug somewhere or I was down the road playing kickball with my best buddies and sitting in front of a campfire singing John Denver songs and dreaming about the future.

Now the future is here, and I am not so sure it is what I wished for. Actually, I know it isn't. Maybe I haven't tried hard enough. Maybe I was an awful person in a previous life and so these trials and tribulations of my adult years are a necessity to work out my karma. Or maybe, this is just "life as an adult" and I'm more a part of the norm than I think. Maybe everyone reading this thinks, "Stop whining you moron, we're all in the same boat, none of us got what we wished for." Maybe I was such a spoiled kid and had so much that it tainted me for what is inevitable and I am not equipped to handle it. And it is clear that I am not perfect and I've hurt people (almost always unintentionally). But you know what? I refuse to believe that this is all there is. That we shouldn't expect the best from ourselves and our circumstances and the world. So I say (or shout) GIVE ME A BREAK!

I'm not asking for too much I don't think. I wouldn't dare, because I have already had some amazing things happen in my life, now I just want the regular stuff to happen. Work that pays the bills but that I also enjoy (ok, maybe that is asking for a lot) and a partner, a real partner to share my life with. Someone who gets me and loves me and adores me and someone that I feel the same about. But maybe that IS asking for too much. I really have no idea. So I will just keep going and keep asking questions and stay in the game.

Maybe, if I could go back in a time machine, I would change some things to try and make this time better. Who am I kidding? I wouldn't trade those days for the world.

Some other lyrics from that song:
So I'll live my life in a dream world,
For the rest of my days.
Just you and me walking hand in hand,
In a wishful memory...
Oh, I guess it's all that it will ever be...

And part of me would like to live in a dream world with memories of the past to sustain me, but I am too much of a realist. I live in the here and now, not without reflection, but I fear too many people live with rose colored glasses on. I'd rather deal with my depression and pain and loneliness and rejection than pretend like everything is just peachy. Without the lows how do we even realize the highs - or appreciate them as much? I just wish the highs would last a little longer.

I guess I say the same things over and over don't I? Maybe in slightly different context or with slightly different vocabulary, but I really am a little rodent on a treadmill aren't I? I'd like to jump off of that treadmill and find some others like me. Right now, I don't have a lot of people to turn to or that I can count on, and that breaks my heart. Mostly because, if nothing else, I have always tried to be there for people, especially in times of crisis and need. And maybe, that is my purpose - to be a caretaker. The problem is, I think I need someone to take care of me too. Is that wrong?

So once again, here's to all the fighters out there, trying to be the best they can be, trying to get through lonely days and nights, trying to search out the truth even if it means pain, trying to live life to the fullest with all its "stuff" along the way. March on!

I'll be reading from my book next Monday

I just realized that I have not posted a poem from my book, Flowers in Autumn: endings and beginnings in quite some time. I guess I've been so busy observing and musing life as it happens that I have forgotten to share it with you. So, in the next couple weeks, I will try to share a few more, as well as one of my Mom's paintings from the book.

I will be reading from the book on Monday, October 22nd at 7PM at the Cliffside Park Public Library, in Cliffside Park, NJ. The event is free, so if you're around, come on by!

This is the first poem in the book...

A Welcomed Walk To Smile

As the leaves of early autumn wave at the horizon
showing off their new-found luster,
I too am tranced by the reddish-orange glow
ensconced behind earth's end.

Lost in a serenity of memories
that only days of youth illuminate,
I begin to hear the locusts and crickets chirp: a cacophony,
warning of winter's watch.

In quiet calm anticipation maybe a deer or rabbit
will spring from the thick.
If not ... I will be content with the heartfelt sensation
of sensing their sense.

At last I am compelled, or called, to glance behind at the Ridge.
I catch the moon in the same sky - a half-moon.
The return to reminiscence is complete for now.
At least I am content ... ready for home.

Will I always recall the sights and smells that create this smile?
I can only hope.

My Mom used to say...

consider the source. What she meant by that was, when someone hurts us, or is jealous of us, or says something cruel, or judges us, or ignores us, or ridicules us, or is prejudice against or "trashes" us, etc., we should stop to consider who they are. Are they someone we respect? Are they someone we care about? Are they someone we know well or think to be wise? Her thought was, normally, the most negative energy comes to us from people that are not that important or purposeful within our lives. So..."consider the source" before you get upset with something someone said to you or before you change your ideas or likes or practices.

I think we should not only consider the source, but consider the circumstances. And I would go a step further. As difficult and painful as it can be, I am not sure we should just dismiss it or let it go without analysis. Regardless of the source, I think we can always learn from every experience, from every contact.

I truly believe that every day brings us opportunities to learn and grow. I also believe that things happen for a reason and people come into our lives, even briefly, for a purpose.

So I think we can take any given moment of interaction and experience and use it to observe, strengthen, alter and question.

And sometimes people can reflect parts of ourselves that allow us to understand we have more to learn and that change is possible. On the other hand, sometimes people help us to reinforce our truth. Maybe it is not a scientific truth or universal truth, but if it means a lot to us and we believe in it, we have the right to defend it. When you can't defend a principal or idea or position on something, then maybe you don't feel that strongly about it - maybe it's not worth fighting over or defending. But what makes human beings different than all other living creatures is our ability to learn and change and affect. I will admit that sometimes I am terrible, in that I will often take the opposing side, even if I agree with someone (just because it is more interesting and there is more a chance to learn from disagreement). And, certainly, I have been known to change my stance on positions when I digest the argument and realize my opponent had made wonderful points or does seem to have more knowledge or "truth" if you will. But there are things that we all believe strongly in - our family, our rituals our cultural morays - they make us who we are. When those things are called into question, we should try, without descending into depths of name-calling, to explain and yes, even defend our position. But we should also try to temper our passions and beliefs with humility and patience when we can. The name-calling game is normally the first sign that we have moved into an arena of fear or we are unable to defend our own position very well. It's one thing to say, "This is what I believe," or "I don't agree with you," or "I don't find that to be true for me." It is another to be so "certain" that you actually begin to hear things that no one has said the moment you are challenged. And going to an extreme of ending a friendship or relationship over a difference of opinion - just be careful to weigh the loss. Maybe it is worth it to you, but maybe, just maybe, you've missed out on something greater than that one truth.

I'll end this entry by saying that I am guilty of not listening. I am guilty of being stubborn and pig-headed and a "bulldozer" with my beliefs and opinions. I am a big-mouth and tend to always shoot from the hip. But I do hope that I continue to try and allow others to have their own beliefs, even if they are not mine. I feel that unless your belief is hurtful to me, why should you have to change it? That may not stop me from arguing with you, but if we agreed about everything, it would be pretty boring. And all I ask of you, is the same.