Those we miss...

There are so many reasons why we miss people: they have left this world, they have moved away, they are forced away from us, they are fighting in wars, they leave, we push them away, life just takes us in different directions...it goes on.

Today I had a great "comeback" as it were to the audition scene - so much joy and excitement and energy. So many talented young people (I was the old guy among hundreds of twenty-somethings) but I made it thru "type out," sang my 16 bars, was asked to sing a song from the show, asked to move and then called back to dance. Ultimately the dancing did me in (I ain't the hoofer I used to be), but it felt great to make it so far on my first "open" audition in five years and my first dance call-back in ten! Daddy didn't do so bad!

But in the joy of it all, there were people I thought of, people I wanted to reach out to, to call, to touch. At that moment, my eyes began to well and I just...missed them. First and foremost, my family - Mom, Auntie Carm, Dad. How I miss the chance to talk to them, to hug them, to love them. I know they were with me today; giving me strength and bringing my best talents to the table. They watch from above.

And I miss you...you with the blue eyes and the sweet smile. Mostly I miss your soul - that spirit that sparked my love to begin with - and of course the words shared and the occasional simple touch. We haven't spoken now in almost two weeks. I know this loss is my own doing - you wait for me now to call you or write you but I can't bring myself to do it.

You are, simply...the one. I think of you every waking hour, without exception. And the nighttime does not shield me from you either. How I wish that this absence would make your heart grow fonder, but reality tells me it will not. Now that our project is finished and our days no longer connect us, do I ever cross your mind? You have stolen my heart. And today, in my ecstatic joy between call-backs I longed to reach you on my cell, to share this news with you. And at days end, I ached to meet you for dinner and catch up and share our lives. But I can not just be a friend to you. My feelings are already so much deeper than that. And as our time together became more frequent, it also became more uncomfortable - neither of us finding our footing. So I have finally let you go - actions speak louder than these words, right?

However, at days end, as the shadows creep along the side of the house and hide the roses in black, I miss you...terribly.

Starting over...

It really never is too late to start over - I mean as long as we're still breathing and believing, we can begin again. I'm taking that step right now. I left my job at JDRF and have decided to give my acting and writing career another chance. It's just time. It is a risk - a big one...but sometimes we have to have the courage to take risks and just take the leap.

My whole world has changed so much in the past six months - relationship lost, health crisis, unrequited love, job misery...just a general sense of feeling lost and alone in the big world. But doing the play last month probably saved me - it gave me the ability to believe in myself again - to believe that there is still hope; still a chance. A chance to start again.

And of course I am not alone. And what feeds me are the memories of my amazing work in the theatre and with such incredible artists.

So my road is familiar but also new. I look forward to the new beginning.

I wish for all of you, new beginnings.

Some show photos...

Thought I would post a few photos from MASS APPEAL. The photos were all taken by David Lopez and feature Jim Richard (as Mark Dolson) and me (as Father Farley). Click on photos to enlarge. Enjoy!

Waiting for it...

I have been waiting ... quietly (unlike me, I know) for something, anything really, to wake me from this dull sense that I am in a trance. You see, after the final curtain fell, I was alone again - an unhappy minstrel without his voice, without his song ... without his muse. That event is inevitable in this crazy business we call "show," and it repeats itself over and over and over again like some cruel joke - somehow each time taking a bit more of my soul it seems. And yet I am constantly drawn back for more: more life, more excitement, more growth, more connection, more love and pain and harmony and discord and ultimately, a kind of death. But under those lights, with the players, I am transformed - no, truthfully, I am alive, not just existing but really alive. How ironic it must seem to you - as I am taking on someone else, another character, one who is not me. And yet, I know, that all of them, whomever I "play," is another part of me. I get to express the fullness of me you see - I get to find more of me. I think only in those moments of that process am I really tasting the truth of life's essence; I am present with eyes and mind open, lungs fully expanded, ready to face it all - soaking it in like a sponge; throwing myself off the cliff of expression and daring to challenge myself for something more. So when it is finished (as it always is) I am distraught. Maybe the only other connection that brings this life can be found in true love. But alas, I have had it and lost it and found it now with another who does not share it. And so I wait ... for an answer - for a call - for the news - for the map - for the voice - for the words - for, "You are the one that I have been waiting for!"

Kellie Johnson - one of the most talented people on the planet...

and...I am proud to say, my friend!

Kellie Johnson is an extraordinary talent...there is just no other way to put it. I've had the great fortune to perform with Kellie in our cabaret, BROADWAY BOUND, but continuing any description of her with words is pointless...you need to see her and hear her for yourself. Thanks for being my buddy K. I love you!

These two clips are from Kellie Johnson: One Night Only, which was performed to a sold out crowd at Sharon Playhouse in Connecticut recently. Enjoy! And visit her website too! http://www.kelliejohnson.net/

CLICK ON PHOTO FOR YOUTUBE VIDEO OF MY MAMMIE


CLICK ON PHOTO FOR YOUTUBE VIDEO OF ANNIE GET YOUR GUN