I think that is what life is really about...figuring out what's next. Hopefully we're taking things with us from what is past, what has just been experienced, what just "was." And hopefully we are learning as much as we can as we go, but it really does seem like it's always about the NEXT thing, the next day, the next show, the next audition, the next meal, the next time we can sleep. And are we ever content?
I suppose i am becoming a bit contemplative, and yes, trying to figure out "what's next?" because the show I'm doing is closing in two more performances. It has been a bit of a wild ride to say the least, but I loved the director and my fellow actors - not only within the context of the piece, but as people. In any event, now that the closing is a week away, those feelings of loss are already starting to creep in - and maybe worse, those feelings of uncertainty about what lies ahead. I think I've learned some things about myself during this process so that is good, and I hope I can say I have made some lasting friends. I would love to believe the show will have a life after this, but I dare not rest my hopes on such a notion for fear of jinxing that very possibility.
In any case, I'm having trouble sleeping and part of it comes from the fact that I am wondering...what's next?
As Snoopy in You're A Good Man Charlie Brown (July 2000)
2 comments:
patrick
i remember the same feleing when i was leaving undergraduate school. the anxiety around leaving a place that had been safe and fun and so good for me was making me sleepless and cranky. when i shared that one night with a close friend he put it in perspective. i often think of his words when faced with similar situations. in his big brotherly way he said "it's not like you're losing what you're leaving behind. it's always a part of you; you take it with you. and it's not like that old "when one door closes, another one opens" bullshit, either." (yes, i remember him calling that "bullshit.") "you're walking through a door and into a world of many more doors. open as many of them as you can. you're on your way out the door to see more of this world. enjoy it, dammit!" (he always peppered his speech with clever little expletives like that. good old joe.) so, my dear, HAVE A BALL in those last two shows. savor the flavor and carry it with you as you go on to see what other great things this planet has in store for you! and let me know how it goes. enjoy it, dammit!
sfrksyDear friend, Don't be troubled. I find that our generation of 40 something still struggles emotionally and financially. I guess I expected more stability for this phase of life. I have ideals of a different life than the one I have now but I have become too comfortable and settled. I imagine that your acting career will always bring you a rollercoaster of "what next". Let me throw some positive philosophy at you. When one door closes another opens. Every beginning starts from some other beginning's end. The drive to succeed is a good motivator.
I sat in a hospital waiting room with my family while my father had heart surgery. I was waiting for the news to come on for the official announcement that my husband's employer was closing their doors. Panic, panic, what next? Will we lose our house? What will happen to my dad? Time passed and my husband found a new job, my dad came out okay and we never lost our house.
We try so hard to achieve things in our life that make us happy. We fear those upsets that can take it all away. Just get through this time in your life. We can never imagine just what is down the road in our future. It will be okay Patrick. You have a good head on your shoulders. You have a good network of friends that will always be there for you. Never give up on your dreams of the theatre. It will be a rough time without David but get through that too. I can look back on all the relationships of mine and see that they all have a place in my heart. Each person that touched my life made a change in who I have become today. Something like being able to balance a checkbook to being more kind to strangers. Like Mick Jagger says " You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you find, you get what you need." You're a good man Charlie Brown.
Be well, be strong. Kristine
Post a Comment