My Mom used to say...

consider the source. What she meant by that was, when someone hurts us, or is jealous of us, or says something cruel, or judges us, or ignores us, or ridicules us, or is prejudice against or "trashes" us, etc., we should stop to consider who they are. Are they someone we respect? Are they someone we care about? Are they someone we know well or think to be wise? Her thought was, normally, the most negative energy comes to us from people that are not that important or purposeful within our lives. So..."consider the source" before you get upset with something someone said to you or before you change your ideas or likes or practices.

I think we should not only consider the source, but consider the circumstances. And I would go a step further. As difficult and painful as it can be, I am not sure we should just dismiss it or let it go without analysis. Regardless of the source, I think we can always learn from every experience, from every contact.

I truly believe that every day brings us opportunities to learn and grow. I also believe that things happen for a reason and people come into our lives, even briefly, for a purpose.

So I think we can take any given moment of interaction and experience and use it to observe, strengthen, alter and question.

And sometimes people can reflect parts of ourselves that allow us to understand we have more to learn and that change is possible. On the other hand, sometimes people help us to reinforce our truth. Maybe it is not a scientific truth or universal truth, but if it means a lot to us and we believe in it, we have the right to defend it. When you can't defend a principal or idea or position on something, then maybe you don't feel that strongly about it - maybe it's not worth fighting over or defending. But what makes human beings different than all other living creatures is our ability to learn and change and affect. I will admit that sometimes I am terrible, in that I will often take the opposing side, even if I agree with someone (just because it is more interesting and there is more a chance to learn from disagreement). And, certainly, I have been known to change my stance on positions when I digest the argument and realize my opponent had made wonderful points or does seem to have more knowledge or "truth" if you will. But there are things that we all believe strongly in - our family, our rituals our cultural morays - they make us who we are. When those things are called into question, we should try, without descending into depths of name-calling, to explain and yes, even defend our position. But we should also try to temper our passions and beliefs with humility and patience when we can. The name-calling game is normally the first sign that we have moved into an arena of fear or we are unable to defend our own position very well. It's one thing to say, "This is what I believe," or "I don't agree with you," or "I don't find that to be true for me." It is another to be so "certain" that you actually begin to hear things that no one has said the moment you are challenged. And going to an extreme of ending a friendship or relationship over a difference of opinion - just be careful to weigh the loss. Maybe it is worth it to you, but maybe, just maybe, you've missed out on something greater than that one truth.

I'll end this entry by saying that I am guilty of not listening. I am guilty of being stubborn and pig-headed and a "bulldozer" with my beliefs and opinions. I am a big-mouth and tend to always shoot from the hip. But I do hope that I continue to try and allow others to have their own beliefs, even if they are not mine. I feel that unless your belief is hurtful to me, why should you have to change it? That may not stop me from arguing with you, but if we agreed about everything, it would be pretty boring. And all I ask of you, is the same.